Year Of The Pizza

I’ve been in Dallas for the last week and a half visiting family, so I haven’t been able to eat / blog about Homeslice for an eternity a week and a half.  To reminisce, I’ve been watching pizza videos on Youtube.  Here are my faves:

• Crazy Japanese Pizza Commercial

I love the toppings’ choreographed dance, and their awkward, embarrassed pause halfway after the pizza slice tearfully thanks them.  Only in Japan.

• Pizza Vending Machine

I’m amazed at how much technology went into this ridiculous abomination.  Look at the tomato sauce dispenser.  Couldn’t those engineers find anything more useful to do with their skills?  The developer, Claudio Torghele, is Italian.  Do they not have pizza-by-the-slice places in Italy?  The NY Times says the vending machines cost $32,000, and serve $4.50 pizzas.  That’s a lot of money to recoup (not to mention electricity charges) for a vendor-owner.  As sacrilegious as this monstrosity is, I’d probably try a pizza from a pizza vending machine once.

• Pizza delivery guy drops pizza on ground, still delivers it:

Damn those pesky cameras!  Luckily for the pizza delivery guy, he got his tip before the footage was seen by the customer.

• Green box, an environmentally friendly pizza box.

When I first saw this video, I just thought it was a joke.  I thought they were mocking the VC crowd with a clever pitch of a normal pizza box.  But when I watched it again and read the little info box on the side of the Youtube page, I realized that it’s an actual company called e.c.o.incorporated that has an actual product.  Their “Green Box” has perforations to make the demonstrated folds and tears easier.  It seems like a great idea, I hope it takes off.  Erin and I have been unintentionally amassing pizza boxes in our kitchen, and this would help us ease the storage burden.

Marinara

Erin felt like going for a more simple pizza a couple days ago, one that wasn’t buried under an avalanche of toppings.  We agreed that we’d each pick two, although garlic was such an obvious given that neither of us had to waste a choice on it.  I chose roasted red peppers and broccoli, she chose fried eggplant and extra cheese, and I went ahead and got anchovies on my half, figuring it wouldn’t upset her rules since she wouldn’t be touching the rancid delicious and healthy little fish.

When the waiter brought the pizza, he asked if we wanted anything else, and I asked for a side of marinara to dip the crusts in.  Erin asked for ranch.  I rotate fairly evenly between marinara, ranch and olive oil.  Homeslice is perfect in every possible way, except for it’s ranch (although now that I think about it, the line could stand to be a little less long).  It’s a little too sweet for my taste.

Erin told the waiter that she always gets ranch, and I told him about my little rotation.  While not slighting Erin, he called me a man who appreciates variety.  Odd words, since I eat pizza at the same place 2-3 times per week.

And sadly, garlic got left off, making this pizza our first one bereft of garlic.  That’s ok, we didn’t even notice until halfway through.

• Pizza Hut not dropping “Pizza” from name.  Rumors abounded last week that Pizza Hut would rebrand itself as “The Hut”.  They’re false.  It’s weird, I can’t believe the Internet would be rife with inaccuracies and pass rumors off as fact.  Sorry, Jabba fans.
• Owner of Seattle pizza place pleads guilty to smuggling in over a ton of pot, mostly by helicopter.  That is a massive, airborne attack of the munchies, unlike the world has ever seen.  Cheech and Chong humbly bow before you, O Mighty “Oregano” Importer.
• Pizza delivery guy who foiled a rape attempt (see the last edition of Stories By The Slice) is arrested on domestic violence charges.  Well, there goes that feel good story.

Not bad, bad, bad but good, good, good

I have learned that since I go to Homeslice all the time without paying much money, it behooves me not to be a difficult customer.  One of the easy ways to be difficult is to start getting cute with toppings, like picking ingredients in the salads that aren’t on the pizza topping list, things like pears, feta, etc.  While it might be fun to experiment with those on my pizzas, it would cause the busy kitchen crew to cross workflows, so I refrain.

So Sunday, when Shawna (my favorite waitress, she’s baaaaadass) offered to throw on hot cherry peppers, I was sorta taken aback.  They’re offered as a sandwich topping, not a pizza topping.  Was she testing me?  Or maybe offering me entry into a more hallowed world above “normal customer”?

We went for it, and it was great.  As Shawna suggested as she brought it out, it had all kinds of deliciousness swirling around: spicy, salty, pungent, cheesy, etc.

The other half of “we” was Trevor Reichman, a musician and friend of mine who I met when he answered a Criagslist rideshare ad I posted and drove me to Dallas.  This was not Trevor’s first pizza with me.  He had hooked Erin and I up with free Kerrville Folk Festival tickets the previous weekend, and he happened to be in Austin so I repaid the favor at Homeslice.  It’s always a treat to see him, he’s usually either in Terlingua building his home/studio or else on the road elsewhere.

He introduced me to Kerrville, which was a wonderful event that was a much-needed change of pace (although really hot).  So I thought it was fitting that he shared my first hot cherry pepper pizza, which was also a much-needed change of pace (although really hot).

Daniel is the Man-iel

I put an ad on Craigslist offering to trade some Homeslice for some technical help with this here blog.  Daniel answered the call and helped me fix lots of little bugs and add some shiny new features, from getting my email feed subscription working to making photos do this cool pop up thingy.

No stranger to pizza himself, he used to date a girl that worked at Conan’s Pizzeria across town.  As a result he is no stranger to delicious free pizza.  Daniel likes Homeslice (why else would he answer the ad?), but never had the luxury of picking any and all toppings gratis.  Upon sampling a Homeslice pizza with his pick of toppings (I don’t eat sausage, so we got anchovies on my half and sausage on his), he declared it a similar in quality to Conan’s but different in style.  Conan has a different set of ingredients (pineapple, jalapenos, etc) and a deep dish, so he felt uncomfortable judging the two head to head.

But the free Homeslice was mighty fine with him.  We had a delightful conversation that roamed from Mormons to India to pizza to journalism to photo editing.  He’s a nice guy, I hope we keep in touch.

• Homeslice wins best pizza in Austin, 17th best restaurant overall.  Hell to the yeah!  Glad the Austin Chronicle voters have some taste.
• Pizza delivery guy leads cops to rape victim in Tennessee.  I hope that guy gets ridiculous tips for life.
• Heroin addict offered lifetime of free pizza to burn down pizzeria.  While a year is shorter than a life, it seems a tad easier to simply stand with your hand on an eggplant sub for a few hours rather than committing a felony.  But maybe heroin was on the pizza, it might be more addictive than the usual Homeslice toppings.

Abu Bakr Qassim, the pizza chef of Tirana, Albania

How’s this for a fascinating story.  Abu Bakr Qassim, whose story is detailed in this fascinating profile from the German media outlet Siegel Online, is a Uighur whose life has taken him from China to Afghanistan to Guantanamo Bay to Tirana, Albania.

Uighurs are an ethnic group in remote western China who practice Islam.  Abu Bakr Qassim found himself in Tora Bora, Afgahanistan, then got rounded up by American forces and sent to Guantanamo, where he wallowed for four years before a ruling found him not to be an enemy combatant (he apparently wanted to fight the Chinese gov’t, not ours).  If sent back to China he would have faced persecution, so he sought asylum elsewhere and landed in Albania, one of America’s allies in the Iraq War.  Other Uighurs have ended up in Bermuda and most recently, Palau.  Must be nice!

Qassim needed a skill and a way to earn a living, so he learned how to make pizzas in Albania, where he is dutifully learning Albanian and trying to open up the Islamic-Albanian version of Homeslice.  Damn, what a life.

A Glorious Bill

Lance, the waiter I’ve had the last two times I’ve been to Homeslice, looked a little askance at the toppings Erin and I ordered tonight.  Artichoke hearts, basil, fried eggplant, garlic, green olives, mushrooms, roasted red peppers, anchovies on my half and fresh mozzarella on Erin’s half.  He sorta scratched his head and said that it’d probably be a little too much.  Was I sure I wanted that messy of a pizza?

Having been down this road many a time before (I get free toppings as a part of my deal, and I usually rock out), I asked if I should take off the artichoke hearts or the roasted reds, since those were the soupiest toppings and most likely to weigh down the pizza.  He looked over the list again and realized that garlic is inconsequential in size and wetness, basil is light and thrown on at the end, the eggplant is pre-fried and the mushrooms are fresh and un-marinated.  After consulting the list and realizing that despite the quantity, the paucity of slimy toppings meant that the pizza would hold together just fine.

His tune changed from “the pizza might be a little too soupy” to “it might be…well ok, I see…yeah…well, I guess it might be a little too…glorious?”

Lance was right, it was a little too glorious.  We had a pre-dinner margarita at Guero’s beer garden across the street and a pitcher of Live Oak Heffeweizen with the pizza.  The drinks, coupled with the gloriousness, made us change our post-dinner plans from dancing or renting a movie to napping.  We didn’t even get to celebrate the fact that it was our most expensive pizza yet.

Glory has its consequences.

Two of my favorite things. Focus is not an indication of preference.

Erin and I finally had our first pizza that “cost” more than $30!  Frankly, I was surprised that it cost so much, since it didn’t seem like a terribly hefty list: fried eggplant, basil, garlic, green olives, roasted red peppers, mushrooms, anchovies on my half, fresh mozzarrella on her half.  That said, the toppings were sorta flopping off a little.

Also, the waitress didn’t charge me for a side of olive oil, she just gave me a little bottle and an empty ramekin and let me fill it up.  The music was pretty eclectic tonight, ranging from Amy Winehouse to trancey stuff to old hip hop.  I wonder who gets to pick the music…

It’s been a while since we’ve had pizza in the fridge.  We’ll see how long this one lasts.  Erin’s been getting on my case about eating the non-anchovy pieces in the morning, thus leaving her with no sans-anchovy pieces.  I’ll try a little harder this time.

Seth and Pizza

Greg and Marlo came back into town because Greg’s bill was heard in the Ways and Means Committee on Monday, so he came down to testify.  He had a problem with his appraisal board screwing him over, contacted his state rep., and soon Mr. Sutton was going to Austin.

Before his big day he and Marlo came in for some Austin fun.  After meeting up with them after a chili cookoff at The Scoot (judged by Kinky Friedman) we drank some of our homebrew, wandered around downtown, saw the bats and made the perfunctory pilgrimage to Homeslice.

I brought my camera but I forgot that I had taken out my memory card.  Luckily, Greg has one of those high-falutin’ phones with a camera on it, thus the photo.

Shawna, the most awesome waitress in the world, told us about a bachelor party that she planned which sounded pretty fun.  Greg and Marlo seemed a little surprised that a girl would be a groomsman and plan a bachelor party, but if I can officiate a wedding, Shawna can manage some groom’s party.

We got a table instead of a booth, and it was a little cramped with the beer glasses, pitcher, plates, pizza, etc.  I was drooling over an empty booth next to us, but I remember from my table-waiting days ten years ago at the Black-Eyed Pea that table switchers make waitstaff do double work and throw off table assignments, so I demurred.