Year Of The Pizza

Yannis and the pizza we couldn't quite finish

I’ve always wanted to have a Cheers-like place where I walk in the door and the waiter says “Hi Seth, you want the regular?”  I like variety too much to order the same thing that often, but tonight I think I got as close as I’ll ever get.

Erin was working and I wanted (free) pizza, so I tried an experiment to find a pizza date.  On Facebook and Twitter I said “anyone down for pizza tonight?  lemme know.”  Yannis Banks, who didn’t know about my free pizza deal beforehand, said he was down, and away we went.

Yannis was and still is with the NAACP, one of the groups that fought against Voter ID this past legislative session.  One of my duties with Rep. Allen was staffing her on the Elections Committee, so Yannis and I worked together frequently.  Over dinner we reminisced about the crazier moments, Reps and staffs at the Capitol.

When the pizza came, the waiter who brought it out (the guy who always pins the Homeslice logo on his shirt, one of my faves) said “I saw this pizza with anchovies come out, and said to myself ‘huh, guess he’s here, I didn’t even see him come in.  And sure enough, it’s for you.'”

So apparently anchovies = Seth.  Sweet!  My new calling card at Homeslice.

We couldn’t eat all the pizza, which isn’t too uncommon, but what was noteworthy was the fact that I ate three pieces, one more than usual.  Since I only had one piece leftover, I got my first leftover swan, a Homeslice creation who now graces my fridge with her winged presence.

I'll spit this pizza on your face if you don't take the picture right now.

My friend Jeff Horwitz came to Austin recently.  His work as a journalist brought him here to report on “Texas’ fine government institutions”, and my couch served as his humble home for a week and a half.

Like many of my friends, Jeff was eager to try out my free pizza deal at Homeslice.  But in true Jeff style, he wanted to push the envelope a bit.  Once he determined that Homeslice threw together a delicious pizza (not his favorite pizza in the world, but “damn good pizza” nonetheless), he wanted to go every day of his visit.  Luckily, that idea fell by the wayside, thanks in no small part to the cornucopia of delicious Mexican food and BBQ in Austin.  And Homeslice being closed on Tuesdays.

Jeff was very good about ordering beer and salads to meet my “pizza on me, beer on you” pizza rules, and was a great house guest in general.  Always picking up tabs, taking out the trash, making himself more scarce than necessary, etc.  I think he felt a little self-conscious about it, but his only real faux-pas was to not let me win at BYOB mini-golf.  But later he realized the error of his ways and “let” me win every game of shuffleboard, the last game being quite the nail-biter (21-1).

We only had two full pizzas and some late-night slices together, which seems paltry compared to the damage I thought we’d do together.  Jeff usually has a wonderful habit of bringing out the ridiculous in me.  But between the bats, bbq, swimming holes and interesting “government institutions” to report on, I think he’ll be back to try again.

Michael

Erin and I recently went to the Kerrville Folk Festival, courtesy Trevor and some free passes he gave us.  To beat the hill country heat, Trevor and I found our way to a quasi-secret swimming hole on a spectacular stretch of the Medina River.

I had told Erin I wouldn’t be gone too long, but plans at Kerrville can be a little bit unpredictable, and I ended up being gone for hours.  The lady who drove us didn’t seem too intent on leaving any time soon, so I hitched a ride with this guy Michael, who was heading back to the festival on his motorbike. I promised him free pizza in return.

I knew less about Michael Durbin than I did any of my other pizza guests.  He took an interest in my work at the capitol with Rep. Allen, since he spent every Friday this legislative session as the driving force behind HB 806, which passed and will make insurance companies cover costs associated with prosthetic devices (he has a prosthetic foot).

Michael lives in a somewhat communal setting in far south Austin, with eight or nine other folks.  Everybody pitches in on group tasks like gardening, but they have their own dwellings.  One of the residents is a renowned green dome builder, and I gathered that most of the buildings there are his design.

Last year in Vietnam I messed up my knee by crashing a scooter.  I needed stitches from the local Vietnamese hospital (I was near Sapa, by the Chinese border), and have studiously avoided motorbikes ever since.  When I learned that Michael’s ride was being offered via motorbike, I was a little nervous, but I became relatively comfortable after a few minutes.

He delivered me back to the festival safely, and I delivered him pizza.  I love my life.

• People in Pizza Costumes Becoming Pizzas.  My favorite is #5.
• Minnesota pizzeria holds pizza eating contest, two guys eat 30″ pizza in 30 minutes.  These guys could easily take down that guy who wins the Homeslice pizza eating contest.
• The History Of Pizza – according to Fox News.  I like how the two ads that pop up are for teeth whitening and the “sexy stomach rule”.
• Carb and calorie-laden pizza binge helps backpacker survive before being lost for 12 days in the Australian outback.  Pizza was more useful to this guy than a sexy stomach.

Leslie Cochran, pizza

I’m going to begin a new feature today called “Paying Pizza Forward”.  I took Leslie Cochran to Homeslice Pizza and we chatted over lunch (he kept the leftovers). Leslie picked the next person for me to meet over pizza, UPDATE: Victoria from Flashbacks Leo, and I’ll repeat the cycle with her him.  She’ll pick the next person, and so on and so forth.

I started with Leslie because he (his preferred pronoun) is an Austin institution, easily the most beloved homeless cross-dresser in Austin if not the world.  He’s constantly out and about at various coffeeshops, events and neighborhoods (6th street, south congress, etc).  Everyone in Austin has seen him, many have benefited from taking the time to buy him a beer or just sit down and chat with him.  Like over pizza.

Leslie is a big fan of pizza, and he chose anchovies, artichoke hearts, mushrooms and pepperoni as the toppings for our pizza (I asked to leave the pepperoni off my half).  His favorite topping is anchovies, instantly endearing himself to me.  He even said “it’s not a pizza without anchovies”.  Oddly, he wasn’t the least bit interested in the premium toppings at Homeslice, such as clams, roasted red peppers, fresh mozzarella, etc.  When I saw that he was only choosing from the standard toppings, I informed him that premium toppings are also a part of my free pizza deal.  Leslie brushed me off with a “those won’t be necessary”.

Unsurprisingly, Leslie has a unique way of eating pizza.  He pulls two slices from the pizza, immediately cuts off the crust, and takes a few bites of it.  Then he unscrews the caps on the black pepper and red pepper flakes to nearly coat the pizza.  Lastly, he takes one crustless piece and puts it on top of the other, creating a cousin to a calzone, and then begins to eat.  Leslie has really bad teeth (health care is hard for him to come by), so eating the crust hurts his mouth if it cools and becomes too chewy. The two pieces pressed together technique works for him because the sandwich-like concoction is less messy.

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David Sedaris delivers a pizza (from Boing Boing).  Love it!

No boogers in these reigional pizzas! We hope.

If you go to Yahoo! today, July 11, you’ll be bombarded with ads for Domino’s Pizza’s “What’s America’s Favorite Pizza” contest.  Vote, and you’re can enter a contest where one winner drawn from the pool of applicants wins a free year of pizza.  Sound familiar?

When you click the ad, it takes over the whole page, and you get to watch a video where actors trying to represent various regions around the country defend “their” pizza and trash smack about the others.  How delightfully parochial and rivalry-inducing!

It’s painfully obvious that none of the actors actually come from their regions. Enter copious amounts of stereotyping.

The Pacific Veggie Pizza (not to be confused with the “urban” Cali Chicken Bacon Ranch Pizza) actors are surfer types who say “dude” a lot, the Philly ones say “Yo” and have hoop earrings, etc.  Oddly, there’s no typecasts actors for the Buffalo Chicken or the Honolulu Hawaiian.  Looks like they couldn’t think up anything that would stereotype Buffalo, NY and/or didn’t want to insult Hawaiians.

UPDATE: See helpful comment from Jon.  It turns out that the four guys are actually franchise owners from those regions.  Wow, never woulda thought.

The whole thing is ridiculous.  The Memphis offering is the Memphis BBQ Chicken.  Had anyone in Domino’s marketing department ever traveled to Memphis, they would have realized that “BBQ” and “Chicken” do not go in the same sentence together in Memphis.  It’s a pork ribs, no sauce kinda place.  As a non-pork eating Jew who visited Memphis looking for some BBQ, I know.

When I read the extensive terms and conditions, I came across Domino’s(‘s?) definition of a free year’s worth of pizza:

Free Domino’s Pizza for a Year awarded in the form of fifty-two (52) $20 Domino’s gift cards; terms and conditions of gift cards apply. Approximate Retail Value: $1,040.

So basically, it’s one or two pizzas per week.  That’s certainly nice (where are you Pizza Hut, The Hut, The Zone whatever you call yourselves these days?), but it’s no Homeslice, whose definition is merely “one large dine-in pizza with unlimited standard or premium toppings, every time you walk in the door for a year.  Slices too”.

It’s too bad I couldn’t vote for the infamous booger pizza from Domino’s, that’s my favorite.

Stories by the Slice: Asian-themed pizza edition – July 11

• Korean pizza trend?  Cone pizza.  My Korean is a little rusty, so I can’t really read the ingredients, but the various combos look intriguing.  I wonder if it’s a solid hunk of cheese and toppings surrounded by crust, or if the crust is spiraled through?  Apparently cone pizza has already hit the US and Italy, but I’ve never heard of it before.  It looks gross and entirely worth trying.
• In more Asian-themed pizza news: Chinese pizza!  With either General Tso’s, Sesame Garlic, Hoisin BBQ or Orange Ginger as the sauces in place of marinara.  It’s in Philly.   Will have to add this to the list of things to do if I ever have to go to Philly again.
• Going with the theme of the day, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the awesomeness of Zante’s Indian Pizza in SF.  I used to live a few blocks away from Zante’s in Bernal Heights, and when folks ask me if I miss anything about San Francisco, Zante’s is always first on the list.  Sweet memories.

Laura demonstrates the family technique

My cousin Laura recently came to Austin to eat free Homeslice Pizza visit me.  She was more amused than most by my peculiar story of winning free pizza for a year by keeping my hand on an eggplant sub the longest, and was eager to come to Austin before the year expired.  She was ready for free pizza the moment she got here.

Reb, her old camp counselor friend, lives in Austin and came along for the ride.  Sadly, Reb had just been diagnosed with either a hardcore gluten or daily allergy, and couldn’t eat the pizza.  She had a salad and swore it tasted great, but I can’t imagine going to Homeslice and not eating a pizza, or at least an eggplant sub or something.  Hey boyfriend says Homeslice is the only pizza worth eating in Austin, so it was particularly painful for her to pass on the pizza.  The salads are good, but they’re not hot, saucy and delicious.

Laura thought the pizza was crazy good.  She’s a devoted reader of this here blog, and wanted to try the hot cherry peppers since I had previously broken through that barrier.  I frankly thought the hot cherry peppers were a little much on this particular pizza, but Laura seemed fine.  She’s a big fan of basil, but we told her how hardcore Homeslice is about basil, so we only had it on half.  Also, she doesn’t like olives, so I had my first olive-free pizza at Homeslice.  Not an experience I plan to repeat.

After her brief stay in Austin, we went to Dallas together via my worst Craigslist rideshare experience ever, and brought the leftovers back for her parents, who’ve been keen to try said free pizza.  But they left before the got around to sampling, so Gran (our mutual grandmother) threw it out after a week.  Such an inglorious end to a pretty good pizza.

Anthony Mangieri of Una Pizza Napoletana, photo by Evan Sung for NYT

The NY Times had a big piece yesterday on the next generation of best pizza places in NYC.  The article is thorough but pretentious.  It did make me want to go to NYC to try some of their pizza, I’ve only tried Grimaldi’s and it was badass.   True pizza aficionados will appreciate the interactive feature with food porn images of the various pizzas.  Don’t read the story hungry!