Leslie Cochran, In The Flesh

I had pizza with Leslie Cochran a few months ago, thus beginning my Paying Pizza Forward feature.  Sadly, some of Austin’s most interesting folks aren’t the most reliable, so the series petered off as I had a difficult time continuing the chain.  But after I heard about Leslie’s recent hospitalization, I figured he could use some free pizza.  So we met up last week for pizza and company.

We were supposed to meet at 12:30, and he showed up around 1:30.  The kind Homeslice hosts (including two of the owners), kept offering to seat me, but I didn’t know when Leslie would arrive.

I saw him walking down the street, and could tell something was different.  Gone was the pink halter top and the lime green mini skirt, replaced by a subdued navy blue sweater and plain black pants.  The only way I could spot him at a distance was his leopard print cowboy hat.  Good ‘ole Leslie, somethings never change.

He mostly succeeded at putting out his cigarette on The Onion kiosk as we walked in, but Terri politely asked him if she could get an old beer can for an ashtray, implying that he had to do a more thorough job.  He happily extinguished it and put it back in his pack of smokes.

We sat down and Shane came by to take our drink order.  Leslie perused the menu, and not finding what he was looking for, asked for a bourbon and coke.  Without missing a beat, Shane replied that he could handle the coke part.  Leslie declined, saying coke is has too much sugar, and settled for a water.

I told Leslie that he could pick the toppings, and as he opened the menu he said as long as the pizza had jalapenos he’d be fine.  I hated to tell him that Homeslice doesn’t have jalapenos, but I told him that if anyone would be able to pull off running across the street to Guero’s for some jalapenos to throw on there, he could.  But he wasn’t having any of that.

“No jalapenos!  We’re in Texas for Chrissake.  Why the hell wouldn’t they have jalapenos on top of the pizza?  That’s just wrong.”

I told Leslie that Homeslice had hot cherry peppers which were pretty close, and that cheered him right up.  Interestingly, he took out an old receipt from his many-pocketed fanny belt, looked at it for 1-2 seconds, realized it was upside down, made sure it wasn’t very important, turned it on its back and began to write down the list of toppings he wanted.  Like everything else about Leslie, I found this endearingly peculiar, and it actually turned out to be pretty useful as we simply handed it to Shane when he came to take our order.  He wanted “halapenos” (sic), anchovies *swoon*, artichoke hearts, “cheese”, garlic, mushrooms, pepperoni and tomatoes.  I had to specify that “cheese” meant just the usual cheese that comes with the pizza, not extra cheese or fresh mozzarella.  He just wanted to make sure he wasn’t getting some cheeseless vegan pizza.

Not long after we ordered, he wanted to take a smoke break outside and told me that I was welcome to join him.  I told Shane that we weren’t bailing and went out front with him, where he lit up immediately.  The “no smoking” sign right behind his head didn’t seem to faze him.  Leslie lives by his own set of rules, and it mostly works out.

I say mostly because he’s had a rough time recently.  According to him, he got hit in the head by some guys who were upset that he wouldn’t buy crack with them.  He said he didn’t do crack and tried to extricate himself, but they jumped him.  I know that this conflicts with what the doctors have said, but it’s what Leslie told me so In Leslie I Trust.

When I asked if he managed ok in the hospital, he said “this ain’t my first rodeo”.  I let him continue and he said he’s been through numerous comas and plenty of lives.  “So you’re like a cat?” I asked.  “No”, he replied, “cats only have nine lives”.

He doesn’t remember too much of his time in the hospital, but he was glad to get out.  The doctors told him to cut back on his drinking and smoking, but the first place he went after being discharged was Twin Liquors, where he bought liquor and cigarettes.

Leslie tells lots of little jokes, and punctuates them by sticking his tongue out of the left side of his mouth and rolling his eyes to the left.  Some are hilarious, some are not.  Some I couldn’t hear, didn’t understand or just didn’t like.  When I asked if the doctors were nice to him he said “Well, they told me I needed to make some big changes in my life.  So I changed doctors!” *Eye/tongue roll*.

The doctors shaved off most of his hair but left his beard.  I complimented him on its fullness even though he seemed unaware that it dripped water well after he’d stopped drinking.  I told him that I could never pull it off as well because I had some gaps.  He said that when he was younger he used to fill in his gaps with mascara, but when he kissed girls the mascara transferred to their faces, giving them something of a beard.  Oops!  That’s alright, he said, they still went on kissing him, and he claims to have done alright with the ladies over the years.  Despite his attire, he considers himself a “full man”, and has quite an interest in the fairer sex.

The pizza finally came, and we dug in.  In my previous Leslie Cochran post, I detailed his unique way of eating pizza: tearing off the crust and eating it first, then taking two slices and folding them on top of each other with the cheesey sides facing each other, and eating the concoction like a sandwich.  He didn’t tear off the crusts this time even though his dental situation appeared sub-optimal, but he still made himself a pizza sandwich and tore into it.  They left off the artichoke hearts, but he still declared the pizza “the best tasting thing ever…besides pussy” *Eye/tongue roll*.

He invited me over (or himself over to my apt, I couldn’t really tell which) to watch his favorite movie: Mother Night, based on the Kurt Vonnegut novel.  He loves the book and the movie, and gets very animated when talking about it.  His favorite quote from the book, and one he lives by, is “be careful what you pretend to be.”

Leslie told me a really depressing story about the troubles between him and his brother, which I won’t divulge.  I’m always saddened by family feuds.  But in general, he’s doing alright.  He experiences some neck and head pain every so often, and has to endure regular checkups with doctors, but besides that he’s still a friendly, flirty guy who makes his own rules.  While he’s often described as homeless, he has a safe place to stay and an enormous support network around town of friends and businesses who are happy to buy him a drink or bite to eat.

He was genuinely appreciative of me buying him pizza and letting him keep the leftovers.  As we left, he walked me back down the block and we were stopped by folks who wanted either cigarettes or money from him or pictures with him.  One jerk had me take his pic with Leslie, and while Leslie splayed his leg across this guy’s body and said repeatedly “I accept tips”, the guy acted like he didn’t hear.  You want a photo with Leslie but don’t have a spare buck for Leslie?  C’mon, he’s giving you something you value, why can’t you return the favor?  What a miserly asshole.

As we walked we realized that he’s exactly twice as old as I am.  When I asked what advice he had for me, he said: “don’t become homeless, and if you do, don’t hang out with other homeless people, you’ll have nothing in common with them”.

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Like everyone else in Austin, I had been really scared and frightened that our beloved Leslie would never be the same.  But even though the hair is shorter and the clothes more dull (which he attributes to the weather, not any significant change), he’s still quite a colorful character.  He does appear to be a step slower, but he’s a whole lot better than everyone feared.  Unsurprisingly, he’s not living a very healthy lifestyle.  But he doesn’t hurt anybody and lives an interesting life that allows him to be himself, which is more than I can say for most people I know.

He’s very approachable and down to Earth, and I encourage everyone to hang out with him and buy him a bourbon and coke pizza.  You’ll both appreciate the experience.

Leo understands Spanish, Hebrew and Pizza

Paying Pizza Forward is a feature where I “buy” pizza for someone at Homeslice, we chat over lunch, and then they pick the next person to have pizza with me. Previously, I had pizza with the famous Leslie Cochran.

Leslie Outside Homeslice

Today I had pizza with Leo.  Leslie had originally chosen somebody else, who decided for whatever reason that she did not want free pizza, or at least not with me.  I didn’t really understand why, I said she could bring friends, husbands, etc, but she demurred and said she was busy.  That’s cool.  I told Leslie and he chose Leo instead.  I’m glad he did.

I was a little worried that no one could possibly be as interesting as Leslie, but Leo shined.  He’s absolutely fascinating.

Leo is incredibly tall, at least a foot taller than me.  His tree-like, lanky frame and his impressive mass of dreadlocks make him very recognizable to everybody in Austin.  The first thing I said to him was “didn’t I see you somewhere recently?”  Apparently, he gets that all the time.

I had seen him, actually.  At the downtown farmer’s market this past Saturday.  He was looking at the orchids.  Gran (my grandmother) loves orchids, and constantly talks to them and tells them how much she loves them, she says that’s why hers bloom so much.  Leo agreed wholeheartedly.  I decided then that I liked Leo.

Like me, Leo uses his bike to get around.  He’s left it unlocked overnight sometimes around town, and returned the next day to find his bike still there.  This astounded me.  I’ve heard Austin has some of the most skilled bike thieves of anywhere, but maybe they just stay by campus north of Town Lake.

Leo grew up in El Paso and came to Austin for school.  As so often happens, he liked Austin enough he didn’t want to leave.  Except for a few jaunts outside, he’s always returned.

One of his trips took him to Israel.  He was brought up as a reformed or conservative Jew, but a friend of his became very religious and moved to Israel to study at yeshiva and live the hardcore Jewish life.  He went to visit and spent a month at yeshiva (he speaks Hebrew from his early education and a study abroad program) but found it wasn’t quite meshing well with his easy-going nature.  Yeshiva folks aren’t known for their chilled out vibe, so he eventually came back.

One of the many interesting things he’s done to make money is drive a taxi.  I asked him if he had any crazy taxi stories, and he told one off the top of his head.

A VERY FAMOUS ACTRESS was in town for SXSW with her secret girlfriend.  They got in his taxi and wanted to find some food.  One thing led to another, and he found himself eating a bunch of food they bought him at his place, and they’re making out on his couch.  The VERY FAMOUS ACTRESS decided that the girlfriend should make out with Leo, since they were closer in age.  Leo just wants to get back to picking up customers, since SXSW is a bonanza and he didn’t really want to deal with the drama that had parked itself on his couch.  He ended up driving them back to their hotel, and they gave him hundreds of dollars for his “trouble”.

Leo’s taxi allowed him to make all kinds of acquaintances.  At the airport, he would play cards with the cabbies from all over the world.  He speaks Spanish, and could understand everyone but the Cubans.  Who knew there were Cubans in Austin?  Anyway, while learning the Nigerian card games and hanging out while waiting on rides, he found space for himself for a while as a violinist in a band called Nelson Saga & Arma del Alma (Weapon of the Soul), a world music group that featured a bunch of other cabbies.

For such an interesting guy, Leo was a man of simple tastes.  He only wanted two toppings on his half, mushrooms and pepperoni, which he seemed to really enjoy.  Slicey always says “Less is more”, but I never believe him.

Leo’s a big walker, and finds most of his adventures just by walking around, meeting people and seeing where life takes him.  He struck me as a gentle soul and a great liver of life.  I’m excited to have a pizza with Ilia, a Russian friend of Leo’s who promises to be just as interesting.

Leslie Cochran, pizza

I’m going to begin a new feature today called “Paying Pizza Forward”.  I took Leslie Cochran to Homeslice Pizza and we chatted over lunch (he kept the leftovers). Leslie picked the next person for me to meet over pizza, UPDATE: Victoria from Flashbacks Leo, and I’ll repeat the cycle with her him.  She’ll pick the next person, and so on and so forth.

I started with Leslie because he (his preferred pronoun) is an Austin institution, easily the most beloved homeless cross-dresser in Austin if not the world.  He’s constantly out and about at various coffeeshops, events and neighborhoods (6th street, south congress, etc).  Everyone in Austin has seen him, many have benefited from taking the time to buy him a beer or just sit down and chat with him.  Like over pizza.

Leslie is a big fan of pizza, and he chose anchovies, artichoke hearts, mushrooms and pepperoni as the toppings for our pizza (I asked to leave the pepperoni off my half).  His favorite topping is anchovies, instantly endearing himself to me.  He even said “it’s not a pizza without anchovies”.  Oddly, he wasn’t the least bit interested in the premium toppings at Homeslice, such as clams, roasted red peppers, fresh mozzarella, etc.  When I saw that he was only choosing from the standard toppings, I informed him that premium toppings are also a part of my free pizza deal.  Leslie brushed me off with a “those won’t be necessary”.

Unsurprisingly, Leslie has a unique way of eating pizza.  He pulls two slices from the pizza, immediately cuts off the crust, and takes a few bites of it.  Then he unscrews the caps on the black pepper and red pepper flakes to nearly coat the pizza.  Lastly, he takes one crustless piece and puts it on top of the other, creating a cousin to a calzone, and then begins to eat.  Leslie has really bad teeth (health care is hard for him to come by), so eating the crust hurts his mouth if it cools and becomes too chewy. The two pieces pressed together technique works for him because the sandwich-like concoction is less messy.

Dental problems appear to plague Leslie; he wiggled one of his remaining front teeth with his finger to demonstrate the extent of the damage.  I winced and he profusely apologized, but his pain is legit.  So for any dentists out there reading this humble little pizza blog, if you have any pro bono availability, let Leslie know, he could really use some dental love.

Leslie is very articulate, and our conversation ranged from the weather to Austin politics to religious history.   When I asked him why he stopped running for mayor, and he said he got tired of spending $500 he didn’t have to spare when people wouldn’t bother voting for him, despite their drunken promises (after three runs, his highest showing was a 2nd place finish, garnering 7.75% of the 2000 mayoral vote).  He caught me off guard numerous times with clever little zingers.  Leslie can be quite the talker, but not in a blabby sort of way.  I initially felt bad that his pizza was growing cold and neglected as he chatted away, but I figured that he could’ve easily asked me some open-ended question to give himself time to eat if he so desired.

We sat at the counter to avoid a wait for a table, and we got impeccable service.  I’ve never had bad service at Homeslice, but this was different.  Our glasses of water never got below 3/4 full, delivered by our waiter with a wink and a smile.  Shawna, my fave waitress, chatted with us a bit as we left about pizza toppings.  I had asked her about Homeslice’s dress code vis a vis Leslie a few days earlier, and her response was “no one likes hairy butt cheeks”.  Leslie complied with a mini-skirt.  The staff seemed to really enjoy his presence, I guess it’s not everyday that a celebrity dines at Homeslice.

We snapped a couple of photos outside after lunch.  While I was getting the camera ready, he took out a Nike sunglasses case that had an electric toothbrush in it, which he screwed together quickly and began brushing his teeth with, sans toothpaste.  After about ten seconds he finished and deftly disassembled it.

When we left we were both heading the same way, so he taught me one of the ways he beats the heat: walking in the shade.  It sounds silly, but he takes it quite seriously.  We walked north on south congress on the west side of the street (across the street from Homeslice), and he walked through the empty Perla’s patio because it was more shady than the sidewalk.  The Perla’s staff inside had a little chuckle, but we stayed cooler than we otherwise would have.

I asked him if he had any advice for a young whippersnapper such as myself.  He’s 58, and his advice was simply “Don’t grow old”.  Well Leslie, with a year’s worth of delicious pizza, I’m doing my part!